WHAT AFFECTS YOUR ATTITUDE?

Many sources point that attitude is one of, if not, the most important aspect to an individual’s progression in their lives.

What give someone a good attitude?

The parent of the proverbial teenage sitting on the couch, appearing to have no ambition, no desire to try to get better, or improve their lives. The parent(s) sit in wonder as to what they can do about it. This is not an isolated case. I hear it from many distraught parents.

I wrote a book about it, depicting what factors bring an individual to be down on themselves, and what can be done about it. Parents liked the book, but they say it didn’t seem to stimulate the teenager. The premise of the book boils down to taking personal responsibility.

In short, blaming others creates a prison for someone because the blaming is outside the individual. If one takes on personal responsibility, only then can something be done about the challenges facing them.

Pondering the issue and researching more into why, even when equipped with the right information, the kid does not get off the metaphorical couch?

There is something else happening beneath the reasoning and implementation of practical information that plays a factor in the inhibition to “get going.”

The scene is a school yard behind an elementary school. Johnny is playing with his friends. He catches sight of the school bully coming towards them. Johnny’s heart starts pumping faster, his stomach feeling uneasy, and his hands begin to sweat. Similar responses occur with his friends also. That day, Johnny is the target. The bully is bigger, stronger, and meaner than Johnny or any of his friends. Johnny is scared, trembling, and fearful of pain; either physical or from humiliation. These situations occur throughout the world every day.

As reasoning adults, we attempt to protect Johnny from the bully. After all, he’s smaller, weaker, and much more vulnerable. It makes sense. Or does it?

The underlying motivation of such scene is dominance. The bully has confidence that needs to be exhibited, and reinforced not for just in front of others, but more for himself. Unfortunately, Johnny gets the opposite affect; he is reduced in confidence, and therefore is left weaker. Not just in the eyes of those around him, but more importantly to himself.

Psychologist call it being scared. That one event has to potential of being play out in such a way as to reduce the enthusiasm and confidence he would have had that event not taken place.

But it did take place. The harsh reality is that these situations do happen. Once an event like this occurs, it has the tendency to be repeated to that same person. It is almost as if a marker is placed on that victimized individual that is seen by other potential bullies. Events like these could scare the individual for life. This may sound extreme, but bullying is a prominent problem. It has a significant lasting effect on people.

Why is dominance so important? Throughout the animal kingdom, dominance is the prime hierarchical process. Either prominence in a group or in mating. The females in an animal group or society tend to be drawn to the dominant male. He gets what he wants.

Something occurs in Johnny that will make him less attractive to females. What is that something?

His posture, movement, and mainly confidence is a projection of his attitude toward himself. Others in his tribe can detect this.

Let’s go back to the school yard. Though Johnny is scared, like his friends. The bully is confident more because there is no resistance to him. Even a weaker, smaller, and more vulnerable child can threaten the bully’s confidence. Regardless of where this event leads, if Johnny stands up to the bully two important things take place:

First, the bully is challenged. This regardless of the perceived dominance, his confidence is reviewed. Whether it is a little or a lot, depends on the previous occurrence that produced confidence. A newer bully may be affected more than one who has a so-called longer reputation.

Secondly, and more importantly, Johnny’s psychological state is boosted by his stance. If he backs down immediately, he has no other factor to believe except that his is inferior. However, if he stands his ground, regardless of the consequences, in his being he is not inferior, but rather under equipped. His bravery and stance influenced his attitude.

An accumulation of these type of experiences help build an attitude of accomplishment, confidence, and enthusiasm because back in the school yard the foundations of attitude were laid down. It is the foundation of belief that constructs the biochemical structure that give you an attitude to win and not lose.

James Allen wrote the book; As a man thinketh, in it he states: “Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.” One hundred and eight years ago when Allen wrote his book, science had no idea of neuroplasticity or biochemical substances that affect well-being.

What affects your attitude?

Having our children overly protected, “helicopter mothers,” and fathers that are timid in showing their sons and daughter the danger of adventure. These reinforce the armory of thought that forges weapons that destroys an individual. Protecting Johnny from the bully, may be a temporary relief. However, the cost is great in preventing heavenly mansions of joy being a possibility for Johnny.

Kids want to be challenged, innately they know that there is a hierarchy. Protection against that hierarchy is no protection at all. It yields, weakness, lack of confidence, and an unwillingness to get into the game.

It may very well be that your teenager sitting on the couch is not laziness, or apathetic. It may be that has never been tested to find his place. Fear eventually takes over to make the process of discovery that much more challenging to be remedied, as on gets older.

Attitude is everything — the foundations of it start very early in life. Yes, there is a risk involved. “Nothing ventured nothing gained.”

Attila B. Horvath, engineer, and author.