Hey! You interrupted me.
Hey! You interrupted me.
In its simplest analysis, there are two kinds of communication: Good and Bad.
Bad communication is unfortunately pervasive. Personal relations are derailed by it, Trust is challenged by it, Loss of money is caused by it, and the list goes on…
Between two people, their basis of understanding each other has a lot to do with what they each hear. In 1989, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey listed Habit #5; Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
If your words are thrown out at someone, it is a reasonable to guess that those words are not understood as you intended for them to be taken. Writers of speeches are told to know their audience. Most of us assume that we know our audience, whether it be many or just one.
I have four children, just recently that I learned the necessity of using different modes of communicating with each one of them. You could say, “But, you know your children, or you should have…” People change, they learn and grow. The product of that change affects the way they hear. It takes more understanding of what they have experienced to interpret what manner they would best hear and be understood. This is a dynamic process, constantly keeping us on our toes.
Good communication=Listening. Listening is hard! Listening requires your attention to be totally focused on the person doing the talking. The easy route is to assume we know what they are going to say.
There are two killers to good communication: first, interruptions and secondly, the words-But, However, and In addition to… Using these words in your response, in effect says; “I know better that you.”
When one interrupts another’s talking, two things occur: the person interrupted does not have a chance to finish their thought and secondly, the person interrupting has stopped listening at some point to formulate an answer, defense, or an alternative view.
When one listens to another thoroughly, the listener has the opportunity to learn that person’s thoughts, ideas, and their heart. In addition, after hearing the completed communication, they have available to them another point of view. This is monumental, it gives rise to information to aid in your own inspiration and ever developing thought process.
Try it!
The benefits will far outreach the cost to change.